You can't make this stuff up

This morning, I realized I had forgotten to pay a couple bills. So, I was sitting at the computer in my bedroom this morning trying to get some of those depressing things paid. Dylan was sitting on the floor behind me watching 'Little Einsteins' on the Disney Channel. About five minutes into the show, he was at my side whining. These were his exact words/whines, "Ahhh, uck.' Seeing as how whining from Dylan is something I hear at least once every 30 minutes, I just ignored him. After about two minutes of it, I looked down at him. He was standing next to me looking and pointing at his hands while still whining. Upon further observation, I realized he had chocolate smeared all over his hands. I'm talking between his fingers, under the nails, etc. I thought to myself, 'Hmmm, I don't remember giving him any chocolate this morning. Maybe Mike left the pantry door open.'

As I stood up to go inspect the house for the chocolate, I realized that this 'chocolate' was also smeared down Dylan's legs, his back, blanket and a little on the carpet. Oh crap...that's not chocolate...that's...well, that's CRAP!

Side note: On Monday, the pediatrician warned me that Dylan's antibiotic could cause loose stools. I neglected to consider that when I fed him a quesadilla with refried beans and cheese on Tuesday for dinner.

Back to my story, yes, there was poop everywhere. I rushed Dylan into his bedroom so I could wipe him down before throwing him in the bath. (I am not into hosing him off in the shower because that would mean I have to clean the shower, too.) After I finished wiping him off, I told him to go hop in the bathtub. Normally, he will run right into the bathroom and get in the tub without any coercion from me. Well, because Little Einsteins was on, he had to stop and watch. Before the explosion occurred, Dylan had been standing with my tennis shoes on. He decided to re-assume his previous position with my shoes on, standing in front of the tv. Wouldn't you know that he decided he needed to pee. That's right, he peed all over my shoes and the carpet...which was already covered in poop. Luckily they were my old tennis shoes that I only wear for going to the park, but still they were MY shoes!

I finally got the kid in the tub, cleaned him up and then proceeded to clean up the mess in my room. I do believe that this is the grossest experience of my life. I'm thankful for only two things: 1) that Dylan actually came and 'told' me what was going on and 2) that Taz (for once) decided this morning would be a good one to stay on the couch downstairs and sleep!