I am having an extremely difficult time getting into the spirit of the holidays this year. Perhaps it's because we are moving on the 31st and therefore I did not bother to put up any decorations. Maybe it's because I won't be with my family this year. We'll be in Delaware with Mike's family...I love them and we have a good time with them, but it's never the same as being with your own family and experiencing the traditions you grow up with. Of course it could also be the depressing events that have taken place in my life in the past couple weeks.
No matter what the cause, I have put myself on a hunt to 'find my spirit.' The best way I could think of to do this was to throw myself into some spiritual soul searching and taking care of my family. We have an awesome Bishop who stopped by the other day and brought me his sincerest apologies and a book to help ease my pain. I devoured every page of said book within 45 minutes and it has been a huge help in putting my mind and heart at ease. I also have a wonderful husband who has been a great source of strength and compassion the past couple weeks. He lets me talk or cry when I need to and distracts my attention at all other times. Dylan has decided to come out of the terrible two's for the time being and has truly been the light of my life. He is a ball of constant energy from 4am until 7pm every day. He is learning so many new things and finally talking up a storm. My mother has also been a huge help. She came to town in the midst of trying to get ready for their holiday trip to Ohio. I am so greatful that she was willing to drop everything to come to my aid. I have also discovered what amazing friends I have. I've always known that I lucked out in the friendship department, but I have been overwhelmed at the outpouring of love and support I have felt from everyone. Can you tell I've been trying to count my blessings?
In the midst of counting my blessings and trying to find the Christmas spirit, I have also been re-aquainting myself with my Savior. At a time when I could be angry and ask 'Why me?'...I have let myself lean on the Lord for support and strength. I'm all of a sudden understanding that He never leaves me alone. I have felt His arms encircle me with love and he is carrying me through my most difficult life trial.
So, while I still haven't gotten into the festivities of the holiday season, I think I finally found my 'Spirit.'
5 comments:
I think you have found what the holiday spirit is all about. Probably moreso than most of us. What an example you are to us! I love you, sweetheart!
I'm trying to write this without tearing up...you are a beautiful and wonderful person with strength and endurance. Merry Christmas Audra, you have the spirit, it's just with less lights and bows.
It's been a very hard year for me to find any Christmas spirit this year too. You have reasons, I don't... I just don't care anymore. =) You are a wonderful friend and example to me. Thank you for sharing with me something so personal. I love you.
This year I haven't felt quite the same "gusto" that I usually feel around Christmas time. I appreciate your honesty and testimony. I'm so glad you have such a strong support system. I wish I could be there with you!
Love your post!! Thanks for the great testimony and thoughts. I haven't been into the Christmas Spirit this year either, for different reasons, You are going through a lot at this time. I hope you have found your spirit and that you can stay close to the Lord. That was so sweet of your bishop and your mom and your friends, but especially sweet of your husband to be your strength. Merry Christmas and I hope you are enjoying the season, even though your moving. Try and have fun with the in-laws.
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